OMG when did I abandon myself? When the fuck did I abandon myself? This is a whole new level of abandonment. I have not been this girl in years YEARS. And all of a sudden I’m back. I feel so much better. So much more comfortable in my skin. For years I think I was trying to be what people expected me to be, or what I thought I needed to be to be loved. I see you and I love you anyway. That is how I feel about humanity. Because I played these games of facades with myself for so long, now I see others’ facades, but then you see where it is motivated from and its always a place of a scared child and you can have compassion.
I started shamanic journeying this week, I’ve done it twice so far, and this last time is the time that shifted me back into my persona which is my most authentic persona. This persona of the “girl next door” is me. It was a combo of things, seeing my friend and mentor, right before going on a date, who told me I was really intimidating and to downplay my “assets” and play the girl next door for this date. So I did and wow I just literally have never felt so amazing. Between that and the journey to the underworld where I met with one of my power animals, the tiger, who realigned me. She said I needed to be self-sufficient in order to get to the next stage in my life. Also put me in this terry cloth two piece white jungle outfit and was like- there you go now accept yourself. And I just did. And all of a sudden I’m a different person.
Because when I used to ask my guides, what do I need to do in order to get to the next level in my life, they would always say “love yourself”. And I was always like, I AM. I AM LOVING MYSELF. But I wasn’t. I was loving myself from an ego perspective, but when I examined my inner being; what is the ME inside? And I wrote out all those traits of how I viewed my inner being, they were all negative. So this was enlightening, this is what my guides were talking about, so I knew I needed to change this, I needed soul surgery. I believe that is what happened in my last shamanic journey.